The Top 10 Greatest Video Game Movie Moments Ever
Rated from best to worst....depending on your tastes and preferences:
1. Double Dragon: Allyssa Milano's Fine Ass® shown going into a ventilation shaft: Doing the only correct thing EVER in the entirety of the film; Billy and Jimmy fight for on point position to follow the Power Corps Chief Marian into the corps' hideout of spunky fun loving children. It's like Oliver Twist meets The Little Rascals...BUT SHITTIER!
2. Mortal Kombat Annihilaiton: Lord Rayden comes out of the closet!: Surprisingly enough having a Swiss raised-turned French actor-turned Hollywood actor-playing a Scottish character-turned Chinese Lightening God did not entirely suck ass as one would think in MK1. Yet when Lambert was replaced with a even worst C-Lister in Hollywood, well people can't just wound a character beyond recovery. They have to destroy it.
When Rayden, played by James Remar, comes out of the cave, in a leather vest no less, he openly proclaims, "Hey guys...I'm human!" you wonder how could Viscant possibly lose out on a Oscar nomination for costume design on MK:A. Sadly they could have easily saved the movie, making it a gay pride staple for decades to come, had they just only provided a small musical homage to previous year's most epic "coming out" scene in cinematic history in Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy. Sadly, it only serves as a curse on the SRK community to have one of our members adopt the vest permanently.
3. Super Mario Bros: 3 Marios...1 Luigi?: Like the caramel in a Caramilk bar, the actual state that Springfield resides, and could Gill have survived a Raging Demon, it was a hardly spoken secret of what Mario's and Luigi's last names were. Sure the characters' inception was back in the day when most video game characters didn't have names...at least Real Names. Space guy, the Galaga Ship, Arthur, etc. were basically the Princes and Chers back in the day. But as Mario and Luigi survived the early days of gaming, you come to realize that before they got transported to the Mushroom Kingdom, they were actually plumbers with real lives pre-save the Princess in another castle. But as the Mario Bros. were about to be put into jail to be dino-raped we are given this scene of wit dialogue at play:
Well fuck me.
It did make complete sense. It was the Mario Brothers afterall. And yet in some weird twisted way like how Pizza Hut was to TMNT, Little Ceaser must've had input as to how to express Mario's name like their toga wearing mascot.
4. Double Dragon: Robert Patrick's (aka Shadow Boss) Hair: Seriously....have you seen his hair?. I mean have you really seen his hair?
5. Mortal Kombat Annihilation: How to cure toomanycharacteritus by stuffing them all into a 5 minute scene: By the time MK:A rolled out there were enough Ninjas to rival the character roster in MK1. Seeing how they can't exactly put Noob Saibot or Smoke on the film crew you have to wonder what director John R. Leonetti and writer Lawrence Kasanoff had to do in order to fullfill some geek requirement to have all availble characters appear on screen. So what better way to incorporate about 5-6 different characters into one scene than to just refer to some only by name and have others become glorfied extras?
Thank the Lord for multi tasking.
6. House of the Dead: Cheating at Bullet Time and forgetting consistency: It seems that Uwe Boll had a misconception about more being better. It usually is good; only if it's DONE RIGHT. Now I like the camera circling antics of bullet time as much as anyone else, but when Uwe Boll decided to use it, instead of actually using SLR cameras, he decided to have the actors stand completely still on a podium as a camera spins around them on the bottom. From what I gather Boll actually created this rig specifically for this purpose. Does it even feature the actors in a cool pose at all? No...it's them holding a gun or weapon straight out. Sure it might have twice as many bullet time shots than the Matrix, but shame on you Boll for trying to fool us.
Inconsistency reigns in the movie as we come upon the graveyard scene as our heroes plummit head first into a swarm of zombies. During the scene it seems that every person that gets killed manages to get a wonderful red screen of death tribute fading them out during their death sequence. Suddenly, just as we are getting a pattern set, we suddenly come upon our hero who can't seem to use his gun correctly.
I forget what happened, but it was a malfunction that should have easily been rectified. And so we see our pony-tailed Asian girl bite the dust, instead of a red screen of death we've come to expect, instead we see our main character grimace in pain and disappointment. Was it from not being able to save the cause of his yellow fever? Or did it dawn upon him that Uwe Boll wasn't going to make him a superstar after than midnight blowjob in the alleyway? We may never know.
7. Doom: We learn John Codenamed: Reaper's last name: Following a (or preceding I forget) an awkward moment of mistaken incest Eomer...er I mean John gets ragged upon by his sister, Samantha Grimm, upon his assigned codename.
Someone was wearing the clever pants that day.
8. The Wizard: The Line™: Who'd thought that a 90 minute commercial for Super Mario Bros. 3 would instead result in the most popular, even most famous quote in video game history for one of the most failed Nintendo peripherals ever? The only way they could possibly top the line "I love the Power Glove. It's so bad." is if they had a sequel with a Virtual Boy user saying "I love the Virtual Boy. It's so fly."
And yet who knew that somehow this single scene would permeate through video game culture so greatly that 17 years later, we end up seeing the full extent of it's effect. Researchers are still speculating but this is the most agreed upon timeline upon The Wizard Sonic Effect.
9. Wing Commander: Bullet Time Crimes Part Deux.: In possibly the most worthless and inane use of True Bullet Time, we feast upon Matthew Lillard's Character 'Maniac' prepping for a space jump by jumping from his cafeteria chair and spilling food in the process...FROM ALL DIFFERENT ANGLES. Now granted Wing Commander is a PC game series, but I think this should at least get special mention. Sure spend God knows how much money on this Jim Carey Lite for that effect to probably only answer a busboy's question on how cool it would be to see some waiter falling down freeze mid-air.
10. The Wizard: Jimmy Finding the Secret Whistles: Possibly the worst case of video game tourney cheating ever recorded, Jimmy Woods actually finds the secret whistles in which transports him to Giant World (level 4?) and wins him the tourney. This information being so secretive I imagine only developers would know when and where to find this secret item. It's like MvC2 being released on the first day for a tourney and someone learning about AHVBx3 right off the bat or performing Sent's unfly.
11. *HOUSE OF THE DEAD BONUS ROUND: UWE BOLL DVD EXTRA: It's bad enough that for a feature, Uwe Boll decides to surprise the actresses by going into their hotel rooms and waking them up...pre-make up. Say what you will about celebs, but make up does make them look decent enough. Upon the exiting the hotel, they decide to do some...training. Lo and behold they play a HOTD arcade game for a bit. For more wonderful Bolly antics we are introduced with the acteress in semi-full Paint ball gear (just the protection) and their quest to take out some zombies.
It was nice enough to see the extras in actual zombie make-up, we are going for realism afterall. What isn't real is how the extras themselves have NO PROTECTION AT ALL, thus resulting in the actresses unleashing hell upon the zombies and zombies in return peculiary shielding their fucking faces from the impending barrage of paintballs aimed at their unprotected bodies and head.
1. Double Dragon: Allyssa Milano's Fine Ass® shown going into a ventilation shaft: Doing the only correct thing EVER in the entirety of the film; Billy and Jimmy fight for on point position to follow the Power Corps Chief Marian into the corps' hideout of spunky fun loving children. It's like Oliver Twist meets The Little Rascals...BUT SHITTIER!
2. Mortal Kombat Annihilaiton: Lord Rayden comes out of the closet!: Surprisingly enough having a Swiss raised-turned French actor-turned Hollywood actor-playing a Scottish character-turned Chinese Lightening God did not entirely suck ass as one would think in MK1. Yet when Lambert was replaced with a even worst C-Lister in Hollywood, well people can't just wound a character beyond recovery. They have to destroy it.
When Rayden, played by James Remar, comes out of the cave, in a leather vest no less, he openly proclaims, "Hey guys...I'm human!" you wonder how could Viscant possibly lose out on a Oscar nomination for costume design on MK:A. Sadly they could have easily saved the movie, making it a gay pride staple for decades to come, had they just only provided a small musical homage to previous year's most epic "coming out" scene in cinematic history in Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy. Sadly, it only serves as a curse on the SRK community to have one of our members adopt the vest permanently.
3. Super Mario Bros: 3 Marios...1 Luigi?: Like the caramel in a Caramilk bar, the actual state that Springfield resides, and could Gill have survived a Raging Demon, it was a hardly spoken secret of what Mario's and Luigi's last names were. Sure the characters' inception was back in the day when most video game characters didn't have names...at least Real Names. Space guy, the Galaga Ship, Arthur, etc. were basically the Princes and Chers back in the day. But as Mario and Luigi survived the early days of gaming, you come to realize that before they got transported to the Mushroom Kingdom, they were actually plumbers with real lives pre-save the Princess in another castle. But as the Mario Bros. were about to be put into jail to be dino-raped we are given this scene of wit dialogue at play:
Desk Sergeant: Name.
Mario: Mario.
Desk Sergeant: Last name.
Mario: Mario.
Desk Sergeant: And you?
Luigi: Luigi.
Desk Sergeant: Luigi Luigi?
Luigi: No, Luigi Mario.
Desk Sergeant: Okay how many Marios are there between the two of you?
Luigi: Three: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.
Well fuck me.
It did make complete sense. It was the Mario Brothers afterall. And yet in some weird twisted way like how Pizza Hut was to TMNT, Little Ceaser must've had input as to how to express Mario's name like their toga wearing mascot.
4. Double Dragon: Robert Patrick's (aka Shadow Boss) Hair: Seriously....have you seen his hair?. I mean have you really seen his hair?
5. Mortal Kombat Annihilation: How to cure toomanycharacteritus by stuffing them all into a 5 minute scene: By the time MK:A rolled out there were enough Ninjas to rival the character roster in MK1. Seeing how they can't exactly put Noob Saibot or Smoke on the film crew you have to wonder what director John R. Leonetti and writer Lawrence Kasanoff had to do in order to fullfill some geek requirement to have all availble characters appear on screen. So what better way to incorporate about 5-6 different characters into one scene than to just refer to some only by name and have others become glorfied extras?
Rain: My squads have already claimed thousands of innocent souls on Earth.
Motaro: And I will claim billions.
Sheeva: By now you'd be behind bars on display in a zoo.
Motaro: If those bars could keep me away from you, Sheeva, I would welcome them!
Shao Kahn: Silence! What is your report?
Rain: Two of earth's best warriors have already been taken. Kabal and Stryker.
Shao Kahn: Tell me, did you make them beg for the lives before you destroyed them?
Rain: But, Master, I thought if I let them live...
Shao Kahn: I have no use for excuses! Rain, this will never happen again.
Rain: It will never happen again.
Shao Kahn proceeds to bitch slap Rain across the room *past* Ermac lurking in the BG and into a pit of acid as Rain screams in pain.
Thank the Lord for multi tasking.
6. House of the Dead: Cheating at Bullet Time and forgetting consistency: It seems that Uwe Boll had a misconception about more being better. It usually is good; only if it's DONE RIGHT. Now I like the camera circling antics of bullet time as much as anyone else, but when Uwe Boll decided to use it, instead of actually using SLR cameras, he decided to have the actors stand completely still on a podium as a camera spins around them on the bottom. From what I gather Boll actually created this rig specifically for this purpose. Does it even feature the actors in a cool pose at all? No...it's them holding a gun or weapon straight out. Sure it might have twice as many bullet time shots than the Matrix, but shame on you Boll for trying to fool us.
Inconsistency reigns in the movie as we come upon the graveyard scene as our heroes plummit head first into a swarm of zombies. During the scene it seems that every person that gets killed manages to get a wonderful red screen of death tribute fading them out during their death sequence. Suddenly, just as we are getting a pattern set, we suddenly come upon our hero who can't seem to use his gun correctly.
I forget what happened, but it was a malfunction that should have easily been rectified. And so we see our pony-tailed Asian girl bite the dust, instead of a red screen of death we've come to expect, instead we see our main character grimace in pain and disappointment. Was it from not being able to save the cause of his yellow fever? Or did it dawn upon him that Uwe Boll wasn't going to make him a superstar after than midnight blowjob in the alleyway? We may never know.
7. Doom: We learn John Codenamed: Reaper's last name: Following a (or preceding I forget) an awkward moment of mistaken incest Eomer...er I mean John gets ragged upon by his sister, Samantha Grimm, upon his assigned codename.
Samantha Grimm: So, "Reaper"? As in "Grim"?
John Grimm: They're Marines, Sam, not poets.
Someone was wearing the clever pants that day.
8. The Wizard: The Line™: Who'd thought that a 90 minute commercial for Super Mario Bros. 3 would instead result in the most popular, even most famous quote in video game history for one of the most failed Nintendo peripherals ever? The only way they could possibly top the line "I love the Power Glove. It's so bad." is if they had a sequel with a Virtual Boy user saying "I love the Virtual Boy. It's so fly."
And yet who knew that somehow this single scene would permeate through video game culture so greatly that 17 years later, we end up seeing the full extent of it's effect. Researchers are still speculating but this is the most agreed upon timeline upon The Wizard Sonic Effect.
March 1989: The Wizard begins film production. Fred Savage takes a break from his coke habit to join the cast. Early July 1989: Nintendo of America reads the script and proclaim it to be the greatest marketing tool ever. It will not only be the launch pad for Super Mario Bros. 3, but single handedly restart the failing US economy by Power Glove sales alone. Universal pictures being pressured by investors decides to never release it to Japan. Car company investors fear that if released in Japan an similiar effect might happen and revitalize Japan's economy thus increasing an already growing presence in the import car market on US soil. Late July 1989: Nintendo of Japan reads script and influences the Japanese gov't to close borders to any import of material relating or mentioning The Wizard film. Fears of The Wizard single handedly destroying the video game market by showing a gaijin weilding the power glove with such prowress thus collapsing all of society and sending it back 700 years keeps this legislation on for a minimum of 50 years. October 1989: Todd Holland upon learning about the the secret of the whistles in SMB3 by an insider at Nintendo of America, he requests for a reshoot of the intended ending of Jimmy Woods being transported into a Nintendo Console by mastering the might of the Power Glove, obtaining the Triforce, weilding the Ice Beam and using the magic of a 1-up mushroom thus leaving Corey with a sense of happiness that Jimmy is in a better place; instead the current ending was what was shown. The original intended ending is now locked on planet Zebes. November 9th 1989: Berlin Wall starts being torn down. Coincidence? I think not. Those East Germaners want to fucking see The Wizard. December 15th 1989: Millions of children get exposed to mullets and The Line™. The Video gaming world is never the same. Early 2000: Miyamoto while smoking opium in a Hong Kong brothel for inspiration as to how to proceed with the gamecube Zelda game; stumbles outside into a bootlegger's kiosk. As the middle aged man yells at him, he appologizes profusely but tells him that his friend Navi will pay for the damages and set things right. Upon trying to reorganize all the bootleg items, he happens upon an American 80's movie. Seeing how he was contemplaing naming his GC Zelda project from two titles narrowed down from dozens: The Wind Waker or Wizard Wanker. He mistakes this bootleg film as a documentary on wizards, so he proceeds to buy it for research purposes. The Next day: Miyamoto's brain is blown away as saw The Wizard. He then proceeds to design the Wii controller. The rest is history: Miyamoto decides Wizard Wanker is a stupid name for a game, but strictly decides on the name the Wii.
9. Wing Commander: Bullet Time Crimes Part Deux.: In possibly the most worthless and inane use of True Bullet Time, we feast upon Matthew Lillard's Character 'Maniac' prepping for a space jump by jumping from his cafeteria chair and spilling food in the process...FROM ALL DIFFERENT ANGLES. Now granted Wing Commander is a PC game series, but I think this should at least get special mention. Sure spend God knows how much money on this Jim Carey Lite for that effect to probably only answer a busboy's question on how cool it would be to see some waiter falling down freeze mid-air.
10. The Wizard: Jimmy Finding the Secret Whistles: Possibly the worst case of video game tourney cheating ever recorded, Jimmy Woods actually finds the secret whistles in which transports him to Giant World (level 4?) and wins him the tourney. This information being so secretive I imagine only developers would know when and where to find this secret item. It's like MvC2 being released on the first day for a tourney and someone learning about AHVBx3 right off the bat or performing Sent's unfly.
11. *HOUSE OF THE DEAD BONUS ROUND: UWE BOLL DVD EXTRA: It's bad enough that for a feature, Uwe Boll decides to surprise the actresses by going into their hotel rooms and waking them up...pre-make up. Say what you will about celebs, but make up does make them look decent enough. Upon the exiting the hotel, they decide to do some...training. Lo and behold they play a HOTD arcade game for a bit. For more wonderful Bolly antics we are introduced with the acteress in semi-full Paint ball gear (just the protection) and their quest to take out some zombies.
It was nice enough to see the extras in actual zombie make-up, we are going for realism afterall. What isn't real is how the extras themselves have NO PROTECTION AT ALL, thus resulting in the actresses unleashing hell upon the zombies and zombies in return peculiary shielding their fucking faces from the impending barrage of paintballs aimed at their unprotected bodies and head.
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